Most of the harm that results in trauma takes place in the context of relationships or interactions with other humans. Even when the original harm had no human agent, most of the things that would compensate for it or protect against trauma developing as a result of the harm are mediated through human interaction. The presence of trauma in our system therefore is a fairly sure sign that human relations have failed us in some significant way. Neurophysiologically this leads to hypervigilance around others. Psychologically it leads to difficulties with trusting others. Relationally we expect relationships with similar people to run similar courses.

Whether we are encouraged

to approach God as an authority figure or as a personal friend, our neurophysiology can be set off. If from a person in authority or a primary connection we experienced harm or the lack of care and protection when it really mattered, our system remembers this and is vigilant for signs that it might be repeated. Approaching a person or relationship that registers on this radar, whether it is with God or anyone else will cause us to avoid closeness one way or another; even without us fully understanding what it is about that person we don’t like. This hypervigilance can only be dialed down with the complete and trusted restoration of safety.

Another non cognitive process is the like for likeness we experience in similar relationships. A good relationship with a sibling can lead us to anticipate similar warmth from people of the same age and gender to them, which means in turn that we approach them with warmth. The converse is true. A negative experience of our father often leads us to anticipate similar things from father figures or men of a similar type to ours. Again, this is not a cognitive process and no amount of rational explanation or self talk will alter things; what is needed is processing and healing of the injurious experiences and the establishment of new and healthy relationships.

On a psychological level…

 we might experience this reticence and avoidance as genuine difficulty with trusting others, and trusting God. Trust is a function of the core self or heart, it is not predominantly a cognitive process. We cannot with our minds and cognitive choices change the level of trust in our heart for a given person or relationship; although we can very well choose to behave in such a way that belies the lack of trust in our hearts. Trust can only be restored to the heart through long experience of trust worthiness and the processing and healing of the original injuries that led to it’s demise. . 

Now let’s briefly attend to two

cognitive obstacles

to connecting with God and perceiving him as loving and faithful. The first is the reasoning that harm is caused by God, and the second is the belief that God prefers and chooses not to stop harm. Since these are rational obstacles, a rational approach is warranted however it would be impossible to do justice to such important objections in a single blog.

For now a simple reframe will suffice for our purposes; most significantly for me, both obstacles seem based on the premise that God is outside and at a distance from the harm that goes on in the world and our lives. If we approach from the opposite premise of God’s presence within creation and especially within human beings, the experience and questions raised change. This is appalling for the perpetrators of harm whilst introducing divine solidarity to the victims.

A second premise seeming to underlie both obstacles is the finite view of harm as limited to the passage of time in the earth. If we instead approach from an eternal view of harm and it’s purposes, God’s redemptive work comes into view with the cross at the centre and at ‘the foundations of the world’. On the cross God destroys the power of harm to bring about eternal destruction, obliteration and de-creation in our lives and the world. This makes additional sense to God’s ongoing solidarity with us in the midst of harm and it’s effects. 

 So, as we consider these five factors that may obstruct us and others from engaging with God and perceiving him as a loving, faithful being, what is the invitation we discern? For me I sense an invitation to approach the parts of me that still carry wounds with compassion and kindness. There is also a reminder that I was designed by God to heal in these ways, and even though I may struggle to be patient, God is infinitely patient to allow my ability to trust to be restored. 

As Christians, our relationship with God as a loving, faithful Other is central to our trauma healing journey, but the trauma we carry is itself can make approaching and connecting with God in this way really hard. And that’s OK, we only need be kind to ourselves, and patient with our healing journey, knowing that God is also infinitely kind to us and patient with the process. 

It’s OK. We are perfectly in process. God’s got this.

Hopefully this post has been helpful. If you would like some company as you work out what your right next step towards healing is, I would be very happy to have a chat or we can schedule in a couple of coaching sessions.

If you haven’t attended one of my trauma training events yet or would like a refresher, then do book yourself in. The more we understand how trauma is operating in us the better equipped we are for our journey of healing. Wherever you are on your journey, know that all trauma can be healed and transformed with the right environment and processing; there is always hope!